Western Vitality

Like so many others, this is a hot topic in my family. It seems like every family has their thing that gets passed down from one generation to the next, whether it’s something small like a funny sense of humor, little quirks, or personality traits, or something much bigger like alcoholism, addiction, abuse, or divorce.

My passion for this subject comes from my own generational curse… divorce. Not only are my parents divorced and remarried (multiple times), but my grandparents on both sides are divorced. On paper, I’m doomed to continue that cycle. But every day, I choose not to. And as bad as it looks on paper, this isn’t a sob story for me. I want to help people understand why these cycles continue from generation to generation, why they’re so hard to break, and most importantly, how we can break them.

What Is a Generational Curse?

A generational curse is a pattern of negative behaviors, struggles, or circumstances that seem to pass down through families over time.

For those who don’t have life-altering generational trauma in their family, this concept may seem simple. “Just stop doing it,” I’ve been told. But for those who are descendants of these struggles, it’s not always that easy. Many don’t even realize there’s a problem until it’s too late.

The Science Behind Generational Curses

1. Epigenetics: The Science of Inherited Trauma

Epigenetics is the study of how behaviors and environment can affect gene expression without changing the DNA sequence itself. In short, life experiences (like trauma, stress, or neglect) can “turn on” or “turn off” certain genes, influencing how future generations respond to stress, emotions, and relationships.

This one was a big wow moment for me. The way we deal with stress and challenges directly affects how our children will handle theirs. This just gives me more motivation to deal with my issues, so my kids don’t have to.

Some Real-Life Examples of Epigenetics at Work:

• A 2014 study on Holocaust survivors found that trauma altered the genes responsible for stress response, and those changes were passed down to their children. (Yehuda et al., 2014)
• A 2004 study on famine survivors in the Netherlands showed that children and grandchildren of people who endured extreme starvation had higher rates of diabetes, obesity, and cardiovascular disease. (Heijmans et al., 2008)
• Research on children of parents with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) shows they are more likely to have anxiety disorders due to inherited changes in stress hormone regulation.

The Hard Truth…

You don’t have to be raised by the people who created you for their struggles to affect you. If your biological parents or grandparents weren’t in your life, but you still find yourself dealing with the same tendencies, that just means you’ll have to work even harder to break the cycle. I’m right there with you, don’t worry.

2. Psychology & Neuroscience: How the Brain Reinforces Cycles

From a psychological standpoint, generational struggles persist because children learn behaviors, beliefs, and coping mechanisms from their environment.

Some Hard-Hitting Statistics:

• Children raised in abusive homes are 7 times more likely to enter abusive relationships as adults. (CDC, 2021)
• Children of alcoholics are 4 times more likely to develop alcoholism. (NIAAA, 2023)
• If a parent drops out of high school, their child is 4.5 times more likely to do the same. (Pew Research, 2012)

How This Affects Brain Development:

Our brains develop based on experiences. If a child experiences neglect or toxic stress, their brain becomes wired for hypervigilance and survival, making it harder to develop healthy relationships later in life.

My Personal Take on “Trauma”

I personally hate the word trauma—not because it doesn’t exist or isn’t valid, but because it’s been thrown around so much that it’s almost lost its meaning. These days, people label every hard experience as “trauma,” when sometimes, it was just a tough challenge they didn’t handle well. Because of this, real trauma doesn’t always get the attention it needs.

Circling back, if past generations operated out of fear, scarcity, or “trauma,” their children’s brains develop patterns that reinforce those beliefs and behaviors, making it even harder to break the cycle.

Struggles like this physically change the amygdala and prefrontal cortex in the brain, making children more prone to impulsivity, addiction, and difficulty regulating emotions.

Personal Example:

Growing up, my parents were serious, all the time. Every day was about working hard. We never really laughed, joked, or played, and I thought that was “normal.” As I got older, I struggled socially because I didn’t know how to just relax and have fun.

Of course, when you’re out with friends, nothing is supposed to be that serious. But I had no idea how to let loose. Even now, I’m still working on this, trying to relearn how to be witty, fun, and genuinely enjoy life. This seriousness leaked into every aspect of my relationships. My grandparents were the same way. This is a cycle I’m determined to break for my own children.

3. Divorce: A Generational Cycle

Divorce is one of the most common generational struggles, and here’s the proof:

• Children of divorced parents are twice as likely to get divorced compared to those from intact families. (Wolfinger, 2005)
• If both spouses come from divorced families, their chance of divorce is 189% higher than couples from stable homes. (University of Utah, 2017)
• Children of divorce are more likely to experience financial instability and develop attachment issues, leading to struggles in future relationships.
• Parental conflict before and after divorce is often more damaging than the divorce itself.

Why Divorce Becomes a Cycle:

1. Lack of Relationship Modeling – Kids from divorced families often haven’t seen healthy conflict resolution.
2. Trust & Attachment Issues – Many develop insecure attachment styles, leading to fear of commitment or unhealthy dependency.
3. Emotional & Financial Struggles – Divorce can create instability that affects future relationships.

It’s important to remember: divorce itself isn’t the “curse.” It’s the unresolved trauma, negative beliefs, and unstable patterns that can be passed down unless intentionally broken.

So, Are We Doomed? Absolutely Not.

We may have to work harder than others, but that doesn’t mean we’re stuck.

How We Can Break the Cycle:

1. Mindset Shifts

People who actively challenge family beliefs (like “love always ends in pain”) are more likely to break toxic cycles.

2. Changing Environment & Exposure

• Surround yourself with positive role models (mentors, friends, leaders) who challenge your old patterns.
• Children who have at least one stable, loving adult are significantly more likely to escape negative cycles. (Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, 2020)

3. Healing Through Faith & Community

• Studies show people with strong faith or purpose experience lower stress, better emotional regulation, and higher resilience.
• Community support (church, therapy groups, mentors) is one of the biggest game-changers.

Final Thoughts

Generational struggles, whether poverty, divorce, addiction, or trauma—aren’t just coincidences or fate. They have real biological, psychological, and social roots, but they can be broken.

The key? Awareness, intentional change, and surrounding yourself with the right people and tools.

You’re never doomed to repeat the past. You can choose a different path. 💪🔥